Mountain Climbing
by xenzen
Summary: Commander Shepard is larger than life - literally. Things that most people take for granted present unexpected obstacles; Kaidan, however, doesn't see it that way. Rated M for language and mature themes.
1. Chapter 1

It had started, Kaidan supposed, with that sparring session in the hangar. He and Shepard had been having an amiable discussion about weapon modifications that had lasted all the way from starboard observation to the shuttle bay.

"I prefer the precision and efficiency of a pistol," Kaidan said. "Put a decent scope on something with real stopping power, like a Paladin or a Carnifex, and it's practically as good as a sniper rifle."

"But can you take out a Cerberus engineer all the way across the field, far enough away that his turret can't detect you?" Shepard retorted as she led the way to the weapons locker. "Maybe the Widow can only fire a single shot before I have to pop the heatsink, but it packs enough of a punch that it'll tear through that engineer's skull, kinetic shields and all."

"Well, not everyone can fire that thing without it nearly breaking their arm," he shot back, watching as she took out her favorite shotgun. "Sure, it might take me a little bit longer, having to take out his shields first -"

Shepard waited until he had gotten his own assault rifle before walking towards the weapons bench. "Meanwhile, he's ducking back in cover, shooting back, putting down another turret, or repairing an Atlas."

"But once I've got his shields down, I can use my biotics," Kaidan pointed out.

"Well, not everyone has biotics," Shepard shot back, mimicking his words, but smiled to take the sting out of them. As always, he was struck by how bright her teeth were against her dark skin.

"What if a bunch of them managed to sneak up on you? Or one of those damned phantoms? You won't have time to reload before they're right on top of you. At least a pistol has several shots in a magazine -"

"That's what frag grenades are for." She started to disassemble the Claymore with practiced ease. "With the right mods and a little luck, I can even shoot through one enemy and kill another."

He leaned against the bench. "You think the tradeoff is worth doing less damage? Especially since you need to make each shot count."

Shepard shrugged. "The guns I tend to use are so powerful, it doesn't really matter."

His lips quirked in a rueful smile as she made room for him at the bench. "_That's_ true."

He'd asked her once, when they were both at the Spectre office, if she'd let him try out that heavy shotgun; she'd hesitated for a moment before she smiled and said, _Only 'cause you're special_. Then he'd damned near broken his arm when he pulled the trigger, and the recoil _did_ knock him on his ass; the blast had been deafening. Shepard was so built and solid that she'd just absorbed the force. The ache in his shoulder and the bruise on his ass had deterred him from asking if he could try out her sniper rifle.

A companionable silence descended as they worked; he didn't know about Shepard, but he enjoyed these moments of quiet, surrounded by the scents of metal, gun oil, her fragrance, and the warmth of her body. His fingers brushed hers when they reached for the tools scattered on the bench, not quite unintentional touches; when he glanced up, she was smiling. The sound of the elevator doors opening broke into his thoughts, and he turned to see James walking out.

"Hey, Commander, Major," James called. "You two tryin' to take my job?"

Shepard looked up from her gun. "Just adjusting some mods for the next mission."

"Oh yeah? Where we headed?" The younger marine walked over and leaned on the console, watching them work.

"Noveria," Kaidan answered, glancing up from his rifle. "Hackett wants us to take out a Cerberus fighter base."

James perked up. "Huh. Any chance I'll get in on the action this time?"

"Sorry, James," the commander said, shaking her head. "I'm taking Kaidan and Garrus - I need tech experts. Hackett wants the base intact, not in ruins."

The other man's face fell. "Awww, man!"

Kaidan suppressed a smile; the other marine sounded just like a boy who'd been told he couldn't go out to play with the other kids.

The commander reached out to give James's shoulder a friendly slap. "Sorry, James, but you're a walking insurance liability."

James looked outraged at the accusation. "With all due respect, ma'am - so are you!"

Shepard laughed. "Right, and having just one wrecker in the party is enough! Tell you what - I'll take you with me on the next mission if no one cares about collateral damage."

"I'm holdin' you to that." James cracked his knuckles. "In the meantime... how 'bout another dance?"

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "'Dance'?"

Shepard rolled her eyes as she put her shotgun back together. "James's fancy term for sparring."

The other brow joined the first at Kaidan's hairline; he wasn't sure whether to be impressed by James's courage or shake his head at the foolishness of the challenge. The commander was a head taller than James, with much the same muscular physique, and there were very few who would be willing to challenge her to a physical contest. Unless they were krogan.

"Oh? That's a relief - I've actually seen you dance," Kaidan teased, bumping his shoulder against hers, though she was so tall, he was more bumping her arm.

The commander bumped him back, hard enough to nearly stagger him. "Shut up, you. As if _your_ dance moves were any better." To James she said, "Gimme a minute."

James brightened. "All right!"

After collapsing the reassembled shotgun, she pushed it into Kaidan's hands and said, "Here, put this back when you're finished with your rifle." After cleaning the grease off her hands, she went off to a clear space to do warm-up exercises.

This time it was James's eyebrows that rose. "Well, aren't you special, Major - I didn't think she'd let anyone else touch that shotgun."

Kaidan smirked as he finished putting his rifle back together and wiped his hands on a rag, aware of Shepard's amusement like sunlight on his skin. "Jealous?"

"Me? Nah. Well, okay, maybe a little," the other man admitted. "That's a damn fine piece."

"Uh-huh," Kaidan said, suppressing a grin at the unintentional ambiguity of that statement. This was James, after all - he didn't do subtle.

"Are you just all talk, James?" Shepard called from the wide aisle between the two shuttles, hands propped on her hips. "Get your ass in gear, I haven't got all day."

James grinned and called back, "You got time for a quickie, though, right?" Turning back to Kaidan, he said, "Excuse me, sir, but I gotta go defend my reputation."

"Your reputation for mouthing off to your superior officers, or your reputation for brawling?" Kaidan asked in a dry voice, collapsing his rifle and tucking it under his arm, then picked up Shepard's heavy shotgun.

"Both!" With that, the other man gave Kaidan a cocky grin before he turned and swaggered forward a few strides to meet the commander.

Kaidan hurried over to the weapons locker to stow the guns away, so he'd have time to watch and not miss anything; he'd never had the leisure to see Shepard in motion after her reinstatement, and certainly not in the heat of battle. With a small pang of sorrow, he remembered how she used to spar with him, Ashley and the other marines in the cargo bay on the SR-1, while Wrex and Garrus watched with a mix of bemusement and amusement. They'd all bonded during those sessions - and over the betting pools.

The two marines were circling each other now, throwing feints to probe each other's defenses; James must've learned caution the first time around, and Kaidan wished he could've been there to see it. That, or the younger man was finally learning that just charging into an unknown situation could get him killed in a messy way.

James might be more wary of Shepard, but he still hadn't learned patience; he began attacking in earnest, opening with a fast flurry of punches, trying to get past the commander's blocking arms. The commander seemed determined to stay on the defensive, letting the other marine waste his energy on an aggressive attack, but then she crouched and rammed her shoulder against his chest hard enough for Kaidan to hear the impact, slamming James right off his feet and onto his ass. Kaidan winced; that had to have hurt - and he suspected James was going to have a pretty spectacular bruise there. She stepped forward and offered James her hand.

James took her hand with a wince, and rubbed at his chest after she pulled him to his feet, a rueful expression on his face. Breathing hard, he said, "Damn, Commander, didja have to hit me that hard?"

The commander was unsympathetic. "Better you learn here than out in the field - I'm more forgiving than a brute."

"I wouldn't try to punch a brute in the first place!" James said, indignant.

Shepard looked skeptical. "That's not what I saw on Menae."

"Wait, what? You tried to _punch_ one of those big monsters?" Kaidan said with disbelief.

"I was in the middle of reloading, okay?" James said, sounding defensive. "It was after it knocked us off that firing platform - and there wasn't any goddamned cover except for that one itty bitty rock."

"Cover won't help you with one of those things, anyway," Kaidan pointed out.

Shepard intervened. "Well, to be fair, we didn't know that - it was the first time any of us had ever seen one, Garrus included."

"Anyway," James continued, "I just barely managed to dodge in time - otherwise I'd be a big red smear on that moon - and I stuck it with my omni-blade." He scowled at their expressions. "What? It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

Shepard vocalized what Kaidan was thinking. "I'm surprised you haven't died in the kind of horrible and messy ways Darwin would've approved of, with ideas like that."

James grinned, undaunted by their disapproval, and said, "I'm not that easy to kill." He bounced a little on his toes. "So, how 'bout best two outta three?"

"Aren't you tired of me knocking you on your ass by now?" Shepard asked, her voice dry. "Or are you a closet masochist?"

Kaidan did his best to put out of his mind a sudden image of Shepard in a tight leather dominitrix outfit; some dark corner of his self he didn't even know existed went _hnngh_ before he squashed it. Now was not the right time to reveal his secret fantasies - not that there was ever a _right_ time.

"I figure maybe I'll get to win one day - and it might be today." James made a little beckoning motion with his hand. "Come on, Commander - you're not chicken, are you?"

Shepard just gave the other marine a dry look, while Kaidan hid a wince at the taunt; you just couldn't say something like that to the commander and expect to get away with it, and especially not to someone who was known as the Butcher of Torfan. Not that anyone had the courage to say that to her face, not even angry, suicidal batarians.

The commander said nothing, just stepped forward with her fists held loosely in front of her, but her expression promised payback of one sort or another - and likely to be painful. James was smart enough to look uncertain for a moment, then his face cleared, his usual cocky grin firmly back in place.

This time Shepard was the one who opened with an aggressive attack; James's eyes widened as she forced him back and further back, his arms moving fast in frantic attempts to block her black fists as they descended like the wrath of God, too fast and furious for him to even get a punch of his own in. Kaidan heard the meaty thuds as not a few of her blows got past James's defenses to land on his torso, a target she seemed entirely too happy to devote all her attention to.

"Come on, Vega, my grandma can hit harder than that - and she's dead," the commander taunted. She didn't sound winded at all.

Stung, James began hitting back instead of just defending himself, grunting as her blows got through; few of his punches landed, though, given Shepard's extra reach.

"Oh yeah? I bet my _abuela_ can kick your _abuela's_ ass!" James shot back.

Shepard's grin flashed white. "I very much doubt that."

It didn't seem fair that someone as large as the commander could move with such grace and speed. Kaidan could see that she was just toying with the younger marine, now that she'd proven her point; she was ducking James's fists or slapping them aside with almost contemptuous ease. They were both sweating by now; it made her dark skin glow under the hangar bay lights like ebony. He was watching the two soldiers fight so attentively, he almost missed the sounds of the elevator doors opening and footsteps approaching.

"With all due respect, sir... maybe you should put your tongue back in your mouth."

Kaidan smiled as he glanced aside at the shuttle pilot, who had come up to lean on the console next to him, before his gaze was drawn back to the sparring marines; Cortez's expression was neutral, but his blue eyes were dancing with laughter. "Was I that obvious?"

"Thought maybe I'd have to break out the vac unit - it was a near thing."

"Like you don't look at James the same way I look at Shepard?" Kaidan retorted in a low whisper, so that Shepard and James couldn't hear them, though with all the grunting and smacks of fist against flesh, he doubted they could overhear his conversation with Steve.

There was amused agreement in Cortez's voice. "Touche. You've got me there, sir."

"So," Kaidan began, slanting a sly glance at the pilot. "The usual?"

"You're on," was Cortez's confident answer.

Kaidan just shook his head. "I'm starting to feel guilty, it's like stealing money from you."

A sudden flurry distracted them both; Kaidan swallowed as the prominent muscles of the commander's bare arms flexed under dark skin that glowed under the lights. Her form reminded him of the big cats he'd seen once at the zoo: dangerous, sleek, powerful, moving with sinuous grace and speed despite their size.

He'd never figured himself for a mountain climber, preferring slim women, or handsome, lithe men, but Shepard had always had a way of defying expectations. She was big in every sense of the word, with a big laugh, a big presence, a big temper - and God help anyone who ever got in her way. He couldn't help but be drawn to all that energy and power.

James stepped up his attack, changing his tactics from traditional marine fisticuffs to grab hold of Shepard's hand as she threw a punch, wrapped his other arm around her waist, and used her own momentum to throw her. She managed to somehow twist in midair and landed heavily on her feet, but what could be seen of her expression through the sweat was one of surprise and grudging respect.

"Almost got me with that one," Shepard conceded as she circled James.

"Yanno, I bet you could take on a brute with your bare hands, Commander - you're almost as big as one. Hell, you're almost as heavy as one!" James added with a laugh.

"Oh, man," Cortez said with a soft groan.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Kaidan agreed with a wince.

"Almost threw out my back," James had the gall to say, adding insult to injury. Or, more like throwing oil onto the flames, or digging a deeper hole, Kaidan thought. The carnage was going to be terrible.

There was the sound of a slap as Cortez clapped his hand against his forehead. "Mr. Vega, what're you thinking?" He sighed. "Even I know not to say something like that to a woman - and I prefer men."

"Are you calling me fat, Vega?" Shepard's voice was cold, and low with menace.

"Uh-oh," Kaidan murmured.

Even James finally realized the danger he was in; he backpedaled with amazing speed. "No, no!" he said with a nervous laugh. "Whoa, now, I'm not saying you're fat, I'm just saying you're a big girl!"

All of the amusement and good humor had drained out of the commander's face by now, leaving it as hard and unyielding as granite; Kaidan would rather face a Reaper with a dull spoon than Shepard in that sort of mood, biotics be damned.

James was impulsive, not stupid, and, seeing the danger signs himself, immediately abandoned his attack to drop into a defensive crouch. It was, as Kaidan predicted, too little, too late; Shepard simply grabbed one of his hands, pivoted on her heel, and flipped the younger marine over her shoulder. Kaidan flinched in sympathy; he felt the impact as James's body crashed onto the deck through his boots even at that distance.

Cortez was concerned enough that he took a step forward, as if he wanted to see if James was all right, but then they heard him groaning; the pilot relaxed. Shepard straightened, dusting off her hands, but instead of looking satisfied at her victory, she still looked angry.

"I'm... going to hit the showers," the commander said, not meeting Kaidan's eyes as she walked past him, her long strides taking her to the elevator before he could say anything.

"Shepard! I'll talk to you... later?" Kaidan said to the closing elevator doors; there was only the faint scent of her sweat and fragrance in the air to mark her passage. He scratched his head, puzzled by the commander's behavior.

"Well, I guess I'd better get Mr. Vega up to see the doc," the pilot said, straightening up from where he was leaning on the console.

"I don't think Dr. Chakwas has anything that can patch up a broken ego," Kaidan remarked, then pressed his hand against the other man's chest, halting Cortez in his tracks. "Aren't you forgetting something, Lieutenant?"

The pilot snorted a laugh. "I can see nothing gets by you, Major." He waved his omni-tool. "There, paid in full. I should've known better than to bet against the commander."

Kaidan didn't bother to check his account; he trusted Steve's word. "Well, you don't know her like I do. I have a good rule of thumb: never bet against Shepard in a fight."

"I'll remember that," Cortez said. With a vague salute, he turned and walked towards James, who was still flat on his back.

Kaidan had intended to follow after Shepard, but decided he'd better stay long enough to make sure James was all right as he hit the button to summon the elevator.

"Wuh, w-was it something I said, Esteban?" James said in a shaky voice as Cortez pulled him into a sitting position.

"I think it was _everything_ you said, Mr. Vega," the pilot retorted as he slung James's arm over his shoulder and hauled him up. "Come on, on your feet - we'd better have Chakwas take a look at you."

"Anyone get the transponder of the ship that hit me?" James mumbled as Cortez dragged his fellow lieutenant's ass towards the elevator, where Kaidan was holding the doors open for them.

Kaidan chuckled, though part of him was not at ease with the way the commander was acting. "Yeah, the _SSV Shepard_."


	2. Chapter 2

"Kaidan, Garrus, get your gear," Shepard's voice said over the intercom, startling Kaidan out of his thoughts.

He put aside the pad he'd been reading, though he hadn't really taken in a word on the screen, thinking as he was about something - someone - else entirely.

Shepard had closeted herself in the war room after her sparring session with James, never giving him a real chance to talk to her in private. Her expression was closed whenever he tried to strike up a conversation, trying to catch her as she stepped out into the CIC or the bridge, but she always brushed him off with one excuse or another; they'd all been plausible reasons, so he couldn't make a big deal in front of the crew members present. And, at the end of the day cycle, EDI wouldn't let him into her cabin - it was the first time that had ever happened.

Kaidan vented a sigh as he stepped out of starboard observation. All in all, it had made for a frustrating day, especially since he still didn't know what was bothering Shepard. He had the feeling all the pieces of the puzzle were right there in front of him, waiting to be solved - if only he knew how.

Shepard was already in her armor, weapons holstered on her back, by the time he and Garrus arrived in the hangar bay; she hadn't put her helmet on yet, but her expression was still unreadable when Kaidan glanced up from pulling on his undersuit. Garrus glanced back and forth between them, mandibles clamped close to his face, as if he sensed the tension, too. The turian said nothing, though, to Kaidan's secret relief.

"Hey, good luck down there!" James called from his workbench, turning to give them all a cheery wave, as if his defeat at Shepard's hands never happened. "Wish I was going with ya."

Kaidan smiled as he tightened the straps on his armor; he had to give James credit for not being a bad sport, and his lighthearted words had broken the tension a little. "Thanks, James. Maybe we'll bring you back a souvenir."

"What, like snow?" James scoffed. "I'll pass."

"Your loss," Kaidan said with a shrug that also settled his gear.

"But if you find some dancing girls down in that Cerberus base, I won't say no!" James replied with a laugh.

"Well, you never know," Garrus said, speaking for the first time. "They did put a fish tank in the captain's cabin of a warship, and they put the armory on the CIC deck instead of the hangar, so I really wouldn't be surprised at anything we find down there."

Kaidan snorted. "I'll see what I can do."

Shepard said nothing, just jerked her head at the open shuttle doors, but Kaidan was encouraged when he saw the tiny quirk of her lips; could it be the first crack in the stone wall she'd put up? He noticed Cortez was already in the cockpit when he stepped in after her and took a seat; the commander must've been waiting for them for a while, but she didn't seem angry at the delay, yet she lost her temper over James's remarks the previous day.

Garrus caught his eye, giving him an odd look, but shrugged when Kaidan just gave him a tiny shake of his head in return. As the pilot started up the engines, Kaidan stifled a sigh, bemoaning his ignorance of women in general and Shepard in particular. Women can be so mysterious!

His hands, resting on his thighs, curled into fists as Kaidan resolved to take Shepard aside after the mission and pester her until she talked about just what was bothering her. He wasn't going to go away until he had some answers.

He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't look up until the shuttle began to shake as it entered Noveria's atmosphere, and saw the view on the screens. The planet looked as frigid as ever, but they weren't going to deal with the hassle of going through Port Hanshan Customs this time, at least; Kaidan remembered the first time, when it seemed like there'd be a firefight the moment Shepard stepped foot onto the docks to establish her bona fides. Talk about a cold reception!

"Wish I'd brought a sweater," Kaidan muttered as he watched the white peaks of the mountains flying past on the monitor, breaking the silence that had lasted since the shuttle left the _Normandy's_hangar bay.

It was a magnificent view, in some ways, if you could find beauty in a clean, barren wasteland that was full of ice and flying snow. It reminded him of the mountains surrounding Vancouver, and wished he hadn't thought of that.

Garrus looked up as Shepard came out of the cockpit to join them; as usual, she had to keep her head down a little to clear the low ceiling. "Have I told you that turians hate the cold?"

"Five or six times." Shepard's lips quirked as she grasped a handhold; Kaidan tried not to stare as her slim hips swayed with the motion of the shuttle, so close to his face. Why did Alliance armor have to be so form-fitting?

"Chin up, Garrus - things could always be worse. Like fighting Cerberus troops through a howling blizzard," Kaidan suggested as he braced himself in his seat, hoping the conversation would distract him; the winds this high up were causing enough turbulence to rock the shuttle.

The turian clamped his mandibles against his face in distaste. "Tell me there isn't actually a blizzard."

The commander shook her head. "Weather's clear. Visibility is excellent."

Garrus patted the jet black sniper rifle at his side. "Sounds like perfect weather for hunting."

Kaidan was less optimistic. "That base has gotta be swarming with Cerberus troops - they won't give it up without a fight."

Shepard nodded. "Agreed."

"Just think of it as a target-rich environment. But how're we going to get past their fighters?" Garrus asked. "This shuttle isn't designed for combat - no offense, Steve," he called towards the cockpit.

"None taken," the pilot called back. "If I had my Trident, I could give Cerberus - and you - a real show." His sigh was audible even above the noise of the engines. "But I don't."

"Don't worry," Kaidan assured the turian. "The _Normandy_and Hackett's forces will engage their air defenses, while we slip in through the back. The Kodiak's stealth system should be a big help there."

"Until someone looks up, anyway," Garrus pointed out.

Shrugging, Kaidan said, "Yeah, but their fighters can't do a damn thing about us once we're on the ground."

Kaidan glanced at the commander, who was looking abstracted. Come to think of it, she'd been looking preoccupied for the past day, and her terse speech reflected it. He wondered if it was due to the progress of the war, but that seemed unlikely; he got the same reports she did, and while things were looking grim, there hadn't been anything in them that wasn't unexpected.

They were still about ten or fifteen minutes out from the target, but Shepard shouldn't begin a mission with a crick in her neck from slouching down to clear the low ceiling, so he reached out and tugged on her hand. Her dark brown eyes sharpened, focusing on him instead of whatever inward thoughts she was having; her lips twitched into a brief smile when she saw his silent invitation to sit beside him. She squeezed her large bulk in beside him, the ceramic plates of their armor clanking together; this close, Kaidan could discern her scent, even over the smells of the plastic seats and the musty inside of the shuttle. Across the short aisle, Garrus's mandibles flared in a turian grin.

"We're in sight of the target," Cortez called from the cockpit about ten minutes later. "It looks like they saw us coming, so I'm dropping you off on that small landing above the pad."

Shepard

reached out to grab onto a handhold, pulling herself up and out of her seat. "Just drop us off and get the hell out of here, Cortez. Don't engage the enemy unless you have to. We'll handle the rest."

"Aye aye, ma'am," the pilot acknowledged. "I'll be waiting for your all-clear."

The commander pulled down her helmet and sealed it; Kaidan and Garrus did the same, and readied their weapons. With the ease of long practice, Kaidan braced his feet on the floor as the shuttle slewed around, then he grimaced as a blast of cold air hit him in the face when the doors opened before his armor could compensate.

"Cerberus troopers, flying down from the second story," Garrus called as he scuttled into the shadow of a large cargo container. "I'll pick 'em off as they land."

A boom sounded as the turian's sniper rifle found its mark; the head of a trooper exploded just as his feet touched down on the floor.

"Sniper, catwalk," Shepard said, already aiming her Widow up at the black-clad Cerberus assassin. "I'll take care of her. Kaidan, watch our backs."

"On it," Kaidan replied, propping his assault rifle on the edge of the railing overlooking the landing pad. A red laser dot crawled over his arm for a second, then there was the distinctive, thunderous crack of the commander's Widow ringing in his ears, and it was gone.

Daunted by the pitiless fire from Shepard's and Garrus's sniper rifles, a stream of troopers came up from the second level on the far side of the landing pad, keeping cargo containers between them and those lethal guns. Centurions threw out smoke grenades to try to screen their comrades, but the cold Noveria wind dispersed the effects and exposed them. More dangerous were the explosive grenades they also threw at them; Kaidan was able to use his biotics to throw them back, but Garrus and the commander had to leave cover in order to avoid them. When that happened, Kaidan did his best to support them with suppressing fire.

"Two engineers," Kaidan warned, recognizing the bulky, black-clad men that were weighed down by the machines on their backs. "They've got guardians covering them."

"You take care of the engineers, I've got the rest," Shepard said.

The commander left off covering the approach to the main doors, moving to help him. Clumped up as they were behind cover, the Cerberus foot soldiers were excellent targets for the frag grenades she lobbed at them; screams rang out in the clear, cold air as explosions ripped them to shreds. The shields the guardians used couldn't protect them from the blasts hitting them from behind, and they fell.

Kaidan waited until the engineers were in position, and began to set down their turrets; the moment they kneeled down, he used his omni-tool to overload the circuitry of one of the devices, while it was still vulnerable before its activation. That machine exploded, knocking the man back, then Kaidan used his assault rifle to blow up the other. Before they could recover and regroup, he used his biotics to snuff the life out of them, throwing them into the walls.

"Phantom! Coming around on our left flank from the landing pad," Garrus snapped into the comm.

"Got her in my sights," was Shepard's laconic reply. "Kaidan."

"I'm on it," Kaidan said, a nasty smile stretching his lips under his helmet.

The eezo nodules in his system flared as he extended a hand and executed a mnemonic; a dark energy field formed around the nimble, sword-wielding assassin, eating away at her barrier. Realizing her danger, the woman tried to take cover, but it was too late; a loud boom rang out right next to him; the phantom's head exploded into gory chunks, leaving her body to slump to the bloodstained floor.

A flash of light in the corner of his eye caught Kaidan's attention; his head swung around, seeking the source, and his eyes widened. "Phantom behind you, Garrus!"

The turian wheeled around, seeking the elusive assassin, who must have snuck up from the main entrance while they were distracted. His hands frantically reloaded his sniper rifle, but the phantom was already right on top of him. There was no time for him to switch to his assault rifle, or bring the weapon he already had to bear - and it wasn't suited to close quarters combat, anyway. Kaidan's biotics flared as he formed a mnemonic with desperate speed; he caught the woman and she staggered mid-swing, but he wasn't going to be fast enough to stop her second stroke.

Shepard charged forward, swinging her Widow up high, then brought it down on the phantom like a hammer. There was a crunch as bones broke, then a scream that was cut off when she brought her rifle down a second time. Under his helmet, Kaidan gaped; not only had Shepard been fast enough to stop the assassin, but she was strong enough to break her enhanced bones. His mouth snapped shut when he realized he ought to be watching the perimeter, not the commander.

"Thanks, Shepard," Garrus said, reaching out to take the hand she held out to him, and pulled himself to his feet. "I owe you one." He laughed when Kaidan coughed, though it sounded a little shaky. "You, too."

"I think that's the last of them," Kaidan said. "For now."

"Let's move in," Shepard ordered, collapsing her Widow and pulling her shotgun out. The butt of her rifle was dark with blood, but it was already freezing in the cold. "We need to find the control room."

"Good - I sure hope it's warmer in there," Garrus said as he switched to his assault rifle.

The temperature was definitely above freezing inside the base, even if there was nothing resembling a control center in the first room they entered; Kaidan and Garrus set their data retrieval programs to work on the consoles anyway, because who knew what information Cerberus had stored down here? The second area down below was larger and much more interesting, containing more computers - including the one that controlled the defenses.

All it took was a glance at the screen for Kaidan to determine that someone would have to break through the myriad firewalls and protections placed on that computer, and he said as much to Shepard.

The commander nodded. "I expected something like this." She stepped out the nearby door and looked around, then she pointed at the middle entrance. "Kaidan, get to work on that computer. Garrus, set yourself up out there; I'll stay inside and cover Kaidan while he works."

"Acknowledged," the turian replied. "We don't have the high ground, but at least I've got clear lines of sight."

"Shit," Kaidan said a moment later.

The sounds of Shepard making her preparations ceased. "What?"

"They trapped the computer," he answered as his fingers flew over the holographic keyboard, not looking up from the console. "Any attempts to hack through the defenses will trigger an alarm, alerting any other troops stationed at this base."

"So we've got reinforcements on the way." Shepard sounded calm at the news.

Kaidan cursed under his breath as data streams scrolled past on the screen. "Not only that - they've cut off our communications to the outside, and since that jamming tower is on a separate network, I can't turn it off. At least, not from here."

"So we can't call Cortez in to get him to destroy that tower, like we did on Rannoch."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Short range comms like our helmets wouldn't be affected, but since you told Cortez to steer clear -"

"Right."

"I can use the AA guns here to take out that tower, though, but I'll need time to hack through the system's defenses," Kaidan said. "It'll take a while."

"We'll give you that time," Shepard assured him, and even without looking, he knew he'd see her giving him a decisive nod.

"We've got incoming!" Garrus called over the comm.

Kaidan did his best to put the sounds of battle raging right behind him out of his mind as he battled through the firewalls surrounding the computer system's core, even as sweat poured down his brow before his helmet's ventilators dried it, and the spot between his shoulder blades itched like mad. He took absentminded sips from his suit's food tube as his mind raced; the liquid was bland, but it was full of nutrients that would let him recover the energy he'd expended on his biotics.

At first, he only heard the more distant booms of Garrus's sniper rifle, but then he nearly jumped right out of his skin as Shepard's shotgun went off what sounded like a centimeter away from his ear. Clickety-boom! Clickety-boom! The blasts were deafening in the enclosed space, but also oddly comforting; it meant Shepard was watching his back.

During a lull in the battle, Garrus's voice suddenly sounded in his ear on a private channel. "What did you do, Kaidan?"

Distracted by a particularly recalcitrant program attempting to hijack his omni-tool and hardsuit computer, Kaidan snapped, "I didn't do anything!"

"All right, what _didn't_you do?"

"Garrus!"

The turian paused. "You know, there are drugs that can help, and they have no side effects at all -"

Under his helmet, Kaidan's face burned. "T-that's not it!" he sputtered.

"Well, _something's_bothering the commander..." Garrus's voice trailed off, leaving an expectant silence in its wake.

Kaidan stifled the _No shit, Sherlock!_retort that wanted to escape his mouth; Garrus wouldn't get it, anyway.

The only thing Kaidan could think of was that he'd invited Shepard out for dinner again, this time to a small restaurant in the Wards, but surely that couldn't be the cause of her broodiness; she'd seemed happy, her usually unfathomable dark eyes radiant with surprise and pleasure. He was saved from answering when he finally penetrated through the computer's defenses.

"Got it!" Kaidan cried in triumph as his hands danced over the green-lit board. Windows and yet more windows opened like flowers as the computer disgorged its secrets.

"Try to point those guns at the right target, Kaidan," Garrus's dry voice said over the comm, this time on the regular frequency. "I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want a reprise of what happened on that geth dreadnought."

"You're just jealous 'cause my guns are bigger than yours, Garrus," Kaidan retorted, only part of his mind on their banter as he targeted that pesky jamming tower. There were pulsing booming noises in the distance as the guns fired.

"Hah!" Garrus scoffed. "Sounds like someone's overcompensating -"

"He's not," Shepard said, her voice loud in the quiet that had descended when the guns stopped firing.

Only two simple words, but it made Kaidan's face grow hot under his helmet. At least it shut the turian up for the moment.

Garrus coughed, breaking the awkward silence. "I'll just... just go and, uh, I'll just go and keep watch, okay?"

"I've got Cortez on the comm," Shepard said, as if she hadn't just embarrassed both of her teammates into silence. "There's bad static on the line, but he's coming in to pick us up."

Kaidan's eyes were caught by new data streaming by on the screen; now that he'd successfully hacked the defenses, Cerberus troops were showing up as red icons, though there weren't many of them left by now. "We've got movement on the landing pad, Commander - we'll have to mop up whatever's left before Cortez can land."

"You heard the man, Garrus," the commander said. "Form up with us - we're heading out."

"Coming in, Shepard."

Kaidan turned to see blood and corpses of Cerberus troopers everywhere; they were missing their heads, or shredded to pieces - he vaguely remembered hearing the sounds of grenades exploding - or had huge holes blasted into the middle of their bodies. It was obvious they'd come in force to stop him from succeeding at hacking the computer, but none of them had gotten past Shepard.

With their numbers decimated and all of their specialists dead in the initial defense, the Cerberus troops still alive stood no chance against them. They still had one more trick hidden up their sleeve, though: an Atlas mech dropped down out of the sky and onto the landing pad, blocking their escape.

"Spread out!" Shepard ordered. "Keep your heads down, and don't let it get a bead on you."

Kaidan ran around to the left, to the ledge overlooking the landing pad, where he'd taken up a firing position before; Shepard took point in the middle, and Garrus went back down to the right. The pilot of the Atlas set his sights solely on the commander, aiming its missile launcher and cannons at her position, pinning her down, but he also left Kaidan and Garrus free to focus on destroying the mech's protections; they worked in tandem to overload the Atlas's shield emitters, while the commander threw the last of her grenades at it, then took shots with her Widow whenever the Atlas had to pause to reload. With its shields gone, the Atlas's armor was shredded by his biotics, and melted under the bullets shot from the powerful sniper rifles in Garrus's and Shepard's hands.

"Everyone all right?" the commander asked, once the mech was nothing more than a blackened, smoking shell.

"Fine here," Kaidan said. "Garrus?"

"I'm okay, too."

"Cortez," Shepard said, "the landing pad is secure, you're clear to come in."

As Kaidan caught up to the commander, he gave a discreet hand signal to Garrus, who nodded and ambled over to examine the remains of the Atlas, leaving them alone. He opened a private channel to speak to her before they had to take off their helmets once the shuttle arrived. "Shepard, we need to talk."

Shepard said nothing, and he couldn't really see her eyes through the visor, but her body stiffened, and it wasn't just due to the cold. At least she wasn't injured.

"Just... come see me in starboard observation when we get back. Please?"

"Is that an order?" the commander said through gritted teeth.

Kaidan sighed. "No, but I've gotten used to talking with you - being with you - and... well, I know it's only been a day, but I miss it." He reached out to grasp her hand. "I miss you."

After a long moment, there was a noisy exhalation, and her fingers closed around his; Kaidan tried not to feel too elated. "Fine."


	3. Chapter 3

Back in the starboard observation deck on the _Normandy_, Kaidan let out his breath in a long, slow exhalation, and tried to think of anything he'd missed - he didn't want Shepard finding any pretext to get out of their conversation. The data he and Garrus had found in the Cerberus base had been turned over to Alliance analysts, Shepard was probably giving her verbal report to Hackett right now, and he had just finished writing up his own. He'd even checked with EDI to make sure there were no crises waiting for Shepard's attention.

He jerked in his seat when there was a decisive double rap on the doors; he recognized the knock as Shepard's. "Come in," he called.

The commander strode in, now back in her BDUs, though she looked no less intimidating, out of her armor. Her voice was brisk when she spoke, as if this were any other debriefing - strictly business between two officers, nothing to see here, move along. "You wanted to see me?"

Kaidan stood up and glanced at the cameras he knew were in the ceiling. "EDI, privacy lock, please."

"Yes, Major." EDI was as good as her word; the lights on the door panel changed from green to red, and the AI should hold all but the most urgent calls for both of them.

Shepard frowned. "Kaidan, people might want to talk to me -"

"And if it's urgent, EDI will let you know."

He reached up and rested his hands on her shoulders; the muscles there were so tense it was like touching steel bars. She was so tall that he had to stand up on his tiptoes to kiss her stiff, unresponsive lips.

"Hey, relax," Kaidan murmured against her mouth. "It's just us here. It's just me."

Did her stiff mouth yield ever so slightly? He didn't try to force his way through, knowing a frontal assault would just make her resist him all the more, but went in an oblique approach; first he nibbled on the corner of her lips, savoring the fragrant coffee flavor still lingering there, and the soft, silky texture, so at odds with the hard muscle he could feel under his hands. Her mouth remained obstinately closed, though, so he ran the tip of his tongue along the seam of her lips in an attempt to pry them gently apart.

Victory was assured the moment Shepard finally responded - a good thing, too, because his calves were aching a little from standing on tiptoe for so long. Her thick, strong arms came up to fold him hard against her, supporting him, and her head ducked down to better meet him; her lips softened even further, then parted at last, and allowed his tongue to touch hers. As he lost himself in her hot mouth, her body relaxed as she bent towards him, instead of being stiff as a board, though there was still tension in her shoulders.

It was so warm and comfortable in her embrace that he almost didn't want to leave it, but his calves were really starting to protest. Without speaking, he broke off their kiss and sat down, coaxing her to take a seat next to him on the couch. They sat close enough for their shoulders and thighs to touch, but then he took her hand and refused to let go when she tried to pull away.

"So, why don't you tell me what's been bothering you since yesterday," Kaidan said, and felt her hand tense in his. She looked away, her face growing stiff again. He reached up and took her chin in a firm grip, forcing her to look him in the eye. "Come on, Shepard - you know I'm just going to keep bugging you until you tell me."

Her lips quirked, and she bumped her shoulder against his. "You were always stubborn," she said, then she frowned down at her boots and let out a frustrated exhalation. "It's stupid."

Slipping his arm around her waist, he said, "You didn't think a thirty-two-year-old man still obsessing over a teen crush was stupid, and you didn't laugh at me."

Shepard turned the frown on him. "That's hardly the same."

"C'mon, how bad could it be?"

"You'll laugh." She sounded very sure of that.

"I promise not to laugh at you," Kaidan assured her. _I wouldn't dare,_ he thought, not wanting to end up flat as a pancake like James. He hesitated as a thought struck him. "Was it because I - if you don't want to have dinner with me, you can just say so."

She snorted. "Not everything is about you, you know." Then she sighed and continued in a quieter voice, "Though it... does have something to do with our date. Sort of."

"If you're too busy to go -" he began, but she shook her head. "Then what is it? Afraid someone will report us for fraternization or something? You... don't want to be seen in public with me?"

"No, of course not," Shepard said in a very firm tone, and he relaxed, not knowing when he'd tensed up. Her lips took on a cynical twist. "Who else is Hackett going to get to run this circus?"

"If that's not what's been bothering you, then what is?" Kaidan asked, as he rubbed soothing circles into the back of her hand.

She gave him an unreadable look before looking back down at her boots again, and mumbled something that he couldn't make out.

"What?"

Shepard sighed, and said in a clearer voice, "I wanted to wear something nice for our date. Something that wasn't, you know, a uniform."

He gave her a blank look. "Well, I'll admit it'd be nice to see you in something" _that showed a little more skin_ "er, casual, but -"

"I couldn't find anything that could fit," she muttered to her boots. "None of the stores on the Citadel had anything in my size. And there are _a lot_ of clothing stores on the station."

Kaidan had the distinct feeling he was missing something here. "I... don't understand. Why would that bother you?"

Shepard turned and gave him a frustrated glare. "Don't you get it? I couldn't even find anything off the rack in their big and tall sections. Everyone said I'd have to get something custom made, and that takes credits - and time."

He stared at her with dawning surmise. "So that's why you were so upset when James called you a big girl yesterday."

"Yeah," she said with a rueful grimace. "And I should apologize to him for losing my temper like that and taking it out on him."

Kaidan shook his head. "I don't think that's necessary - maybe now he'll learn to watch his mouth and be more respectful to his superior officers." He squeezed her hand. "But are you telling me you've never bought clothes for yourself before?"

She shrugged. "Well, Mom always bought clothes for me, and I've been wearing uniforms of one sort or another since the day I enlisted. Even when the Illusive Man... had me brought back, they had clothes already made for me, though I ripped the Cerberus logos off them first."

"But... but what about shore leave?" Now that he thought on it, it was true; he'd never seen Shepard in anything but a uniform, or armor. And she'd wear her dress blues for any formal functions.

"I always wore BDUs," Shepard said. "Saves time and effort if I don't have to think about what to wear. And I learned to travel light when I was a kid, what with both of my parents already being in the military, and having to move around from one posting to another."

"Hard to imagine that the stores on the Citadel didn't have what you need," Kaidan said. "I thought you could find anything there."

"Well, I couldn't," she said, frowning again. "I should've known better, but, it's just... I haven't worn anything but uniforms for so long, I didn't even notice. It didn't feel right, having something custom made, with the war and the Reapers and Cerberus and everything going on."

"There's nothing wrong with indulging yourself, in moderation. Especially now." He smiled up at her. "Spoil yourself, once in a while - better yet, let me do it."

Shepard huffed a quiet laugh, shaking her head, then leaned down and pressed an entirely too quick kiss on his lips. "You spoil me already. Don't you... you don't mind having a girlfriend who's taller and bigger than you?"

Girlfriend, huh? Kaidan thought he could get used to the sound of that. It had a nice ring to it. "Hell, no!"

She looked at him askance. "A lot of guys have been intimidated." With a self-deprecating laugh, she added, "I gave up on blind dates after a while." Her tone was half joking, half... not.

"I'm not like a lot of guys," he retorted. _Idiots, the lot of them._ Still, it had cut down on his rivals. "I love how big and strong you are." He unwound his arm from around her waist and reached up to cup the side of her face. "I love you."

Shepard leaned into his touch, but she still looked a little skeptical of his claims - which, he didn't know. "That's sweet of you to say -"

"I'm not just saying it - it's true." He stroked her cheek with his fingers. "When I was watching you spar with James yesterday, all I could think about was how sexy you looked, so strong and fierce, with the sweat on your skin making you glow."

Her eyelids drooped as she listened, but he thought he saw a glitter of desire there. Without his realizing it, he had pressed himself against her warm body, and she had wrapped her arm around his waist, pulling him even closer, nearly onto her lap. He moved his hand from her face to the back of her thick neck, though she didn't need any coaxing at all to bend her head down to press her full lips against his, and this time it was a proper kiss; he growled in the back of his throat as she sucked his tongue into her hot mouth, then she released him, only to bite down on his bottom lip before she soothed the pain away with another kiss.

Kaidan was a little breathless when they finally came up for air, and he felt very warm. "If you hadn't gone rushing off after kicking James's ass, I would've demonstrated just how much I appreciate a large woman - at length."

She raised her brow. "And just how many women that're my size have you been with?"

"Well, just you," he admitted. "But you've totally spoiled me for other women." _And men._

Her dark brown eyes blazed for a heart-stopping moment before a sweep of her eyelashes hid them. "Then why don't we go back up to my cabin, and you can show me?" she purred.

Now that was the Shepard he knew: a woman who knew her own mind and what she wanted.

He moved their still intertwined hands to his groin. "I don't think I can wait that long," he murmured, his words ending on a gasp as she fondled him through the fabric; the hand he had put on the back of her neck spasmed.

"I suppose you can't," Shepard said. Her lips stretched in a slow smile that transformed the elegant planes of her face, and he fell in love all over again. "We'll have to be quiet - the door isn't that thick."

Kaidan snorted. "As if the crew doesn't already know what we're doing - or what we're going to be doing," he said, and whimpered as her hand caressed him.

"There's such a thing as discretion," she retorted, smiling to take the sting out of it, and reached for the fastener on his shirt.

For someone who could crush a man's neck with her bare hands without even breaking a sweat, Shepard was gentle and patient - she always was when they made love. Now he wondered if that was because she was afraid of her own strength, and feared she might hurt him. It was hard to hold on to any coherent thought when she pressed soft kisses on his skin as his shirt was parted, little by little. His groans were stolen right out of his mouth and sucked into hers as her callused fingers trailed down his stomach before she pulled his shirt off.

He hung on to her shoulders when she pulled his leg up into her lap; somehow she managed to undo and take off his boot and sock as she met his demanding mouth with her own need, allowing him to lose himself in the softness of her full, sensual lips and the taste of spice and coffee on her tongue. She divested him of his other boot and sock just as quickly, leaving him in just his trousers - which were already past the point of uncomfortable and verging on painful.

Shepard was more than happy to help him with that, and coaxed him into standing in front of her while she remained sitting on the couch, but his lips parted from hers only reluctantly. He hissed as his bare feet encountered the cold metal floor, but forgot all about it when she undid his belt, then the fastener, and opened his fly; his trousers fell to his ankles, then he cried out when she grabbed his ass and mouthed him through the fabric of his boxer shorts. His knees buckled as her hot mouth suckled him, and he would've fallen over if it weren't for the support of her arms. His hands scrabbled through her kinky, close-shaven hair as if he could somehow catch hold of his self-control.

When he felt her fingers insinuating themselves into his shorts, Kaidan wrenched himself away from her talented mouth and stepped back on shaky legs before she could strip them off.

Kicking away his trousers, and aware that she could see the shameless bulge tenting the front of his shorts, he said in a hoarse voice, "I want to see you."

In case that was too subtle, he reached out and tugged open her collar. She smiled and got up, and seemed to keep going up, until she towered over him. Her size might intimidate others, especially people who got on her nerves, like obnoxious fans, Councilors, and mouthy reporters, but he'd always preferred to look on the bright side: his eyes were at the perfect height to admire her impressive chest.

Between Shepard's willing cooperation and his impatient hands, he got her shirt off in record time, revealing the toned, well-defined muscles of her broad shoulders, arms and torso, tapering to a slim waist. He was reminded of ancient Greek and Roman nude statues, sculpted to celebrate the beauty and majesty of the human body. Those were made of unfeeling marble and stone, though, nothing compared to the living, breathing, flesh-and-blood woman before him. She reached back to unclasp her black sports bra, but he was quick to do it for her; pillowing his head on her chest, he inhaled her scent as he stretched his arms around her and unhooked the ends.

The undergarment fell from his limp fingers, forgotten, as Kaidan drank in the sight of her. Without thinking, he reached up and caressed her, and heard her indrawn breath. The simple chain she wore her dogtags on shone like silver against her dusky skin. He traced the stark lines delineating her abdomen, then he undid her belt and the fastener holding her trousers closed. With a gentle push, he had her sit down on the couch, and he crouched to deal with her boots and socks.

Lit only by the dim overhead lights and the illumination of the stars through the observation window, she looked like a warrior queen from out of humanity's ancient and oftentimes bloody past, regal and proud, confident and secure in her own power.

"Beautiful," he breathed, and saw a flicker of doubt in her eyes. Well, he'd be happy enough to provide proofs - and lots of it.

He spent a pleasant time proving the truth of his words, and she was sweaty and sated - maybe even convinced - at the end of it.

"You're beautiful, Shepard. Don't let anyone tell you different."

This time, when he said it, she looked like she really believed him.

Well, all right, maybe she _didn't_ meet the current standards of beauty, when everyone seemed to favor the slim, soft and exotic asari ideal these days; she was too tall, too muscular, too hard, too - it had to be said - everything, to ever be conventional. She was an elite soldier in top condition, after all, her body and mind shaped by hard battles and even harder commands.

Her large hands came up to cup his face, and she bent down to kiss him, tasting herself on his lips. "C'mere," she murmured, and pulled him with easy, unconscious strength into her lap.

He sighed with contentment as he wrapped his arms around her waist and settled himself into her embrace. There was no place he would rather be than here, with his limbs tangled in hers, surrounded by hard, supple muscle and warm, smooth skin, his nose full of the pleasant scents of sweat and sex.

Shepard nuzzled his neck and pressed soft kisses along his jaw. "Kaidan. You're so sweet."

He licked his lips. "You're the one who's sweet. I hope I've convinced you that I find you pretty damn sexy and hot just the way you are, even if you're economy sized. Especially because you're economy sized. Hell, I'd worship your body, kneel at the temple every day -" He paused and smirked. "Oh, wait, I already do that."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Wipe that insufferable smile off your face, Alenko."

His smile transmuted into a challenging grin. "Make me."

Shepard wasn't about to let him get too complacent after a boastful statement like that, and teased him until he was a sweaty, squirming mess. "You're generous as always, Kaidan," she murmured into his ear. "But marines take care of each other."

His eyes lit upon the lounge chair in the corner. "I have a better idea," he murmured.

It took a real effort of will to wrench himself from her tempting body, but he managed to step away. When he tugged on her hand, she straightened, giving him a puzzled look as he pulled her over to the chair.

Shepard glanced at the chair, then gave him an uncertain look. "I'll squash you."

Kaidan snorted, making sure he looked only at her face, otherwise he wouldn't be able to manage anything with more than one syllable - if that. "I'm not that easy to squash. I can take a brute to the face and live to tell the tale - I think I can handle you. Squash me all you like."

She frowned, and it was obvious she was remembering that particular incident, or maybe she was remembering James's comments about her size; he sighed, since it hadn't been his intention to remind her of either. "That was reckless of you."

"I couldn't let it charge you when you had your back turned. We need you." Her face grew stiff at the reminder of that burden on her shoulders - one surely too heavy for anyone to bear. He stepped close, pressing himself against her, deepened his voice and added, "_I_ need you. I want you. And you've done it before."

Still Shepard hesitated. "When Cerberus rebuilt me," she said, making this confession with obvious reluctance, "they made me... heavier. All those extra bits and pieces... add up to, well, something. And I wasn't exactly light before that."

"Is... is that why you've been wanting me to top?" Now that Kaidan thought about it, she'd always been on the bottom after they'd reconciled. Why hadn't he realized sooner? But in his own defense, sex - amazing, mind-melting, _exhausting_ sex - had a way of wiping out all his higher thought processes.

She said nothing, but her silence was answer enough. He let go of her hand, tucked his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts, and kept eye contact with her as he tugged them down. It was a profound relief to finally free himself from the tight and uncomfortable confines of his underwear; he smiled when her eyes flicked down.

It took them some time to get into the rhythm; he chafed at the pace she was setting and decided to do something about it. A little judicious application of static shocks did the trick.

"That was cheating," she growled into his ear.

"It worked, didn't it?" Spectacularly. He could manage words of one syllable, at least, and smirked. "I told you I didn't squash easily."

Shepard's eyes widened as the realization that she was resting her full - and considerable - weight on him caught up to her, and she would've stood up if he hadn't been quick enough to lock his hands behind her broad back.

"Oh no you don't - you're not getting away that easy!".

She relaxed back into his embrace, though there was still an undercurrent of concern in her gaze. "Are you -"

"I'm okay. But not if you don't _move_. And soon," he begged.

Shepard granted his wish, and an unmeasurable amount of time later, he emerged from that inward and intense experience to find himself flat on his back on the lounge chair, breathing fast and still trembling a little, and with no ambition to ever move again. Shepard made for a heavy but warm living blanket, but he couldn't determine whether she really _was_ heavier than before; his memories had focused on other things entirely, and anyway, it had been three years ago. He didn't feel too flattened, at any rate.

Shepard turned her head, mouth seeking his, and they exchanged a long, leisurely kiss that held an unspoken promise, even if the need that turned their earlier ones so scorching had subsided to a simmer. When she made to withdraw, his hands tightened on her hips.

"Don't go," Kaidan murmured, giving her a longing look for good measure.

She weakened visibly. "Not yet, anyway. But it can't be comfortable for you, taking my full weight."

"I'm fine, really -"

Shepard didn't give him a chance to finish the sentence; she switched their positions by the simple of expedient of picking him up and sitting herself down, then putting him back in her lap. She'd moved so fast and smoothly that he didn't have time to hiss at the cool air blowing from the cyclers on his groin until she was done.

"Shepard, have you noticed there aren't any height differences when we're both horizontal?" he said, leaning back to admire the love bites decorating her skin; she shivered as he traced them with a finger.

Her lips quirked. "It wasn't just my height that bothered me. Not quite so much anymore, though," she said, a wry expression on her face.

Kaidan smiled back up at her; her dark eyes did seem less troubled. "I'm glad."

"Thanks," she said as she kissed him again. "I... needed that. I needed you. I still do."

He huffed a laugh. "You don't have to thank me, I was more than happy to oblige - and I wouldn't mind obliging you again, if you know what I mean," he said, his voice heavy with suggestion.

"Tempting thought," Shepard murmured with a secret smile, tracing his cheekbone with her free hand; the other had a proprietary hold on his hip. "I love you," she whispered into his ear.

Kaidan swallowed the lump that'd formed in his throat. "I love you, too. I know these are terrible days, but... I've never felt so happy," he said, reaching down and plucking her hand from his hip to twine his fingers with hers. "Just... promise me you won't shut me out anymore."

Her lips crimped; he fought off the urge to kiss them. "Sorry. I... didn't want to face you." Her hand tightened on his, and she raised her head to look him in the eye. "It won't happen again."

"Good." With that out of the way, he stretched himself out, settling himself; Shepard made for a warm blanket, but she was an even better bed - a firm one, with all that hard muscle, but still quite springy in places.

He was savoring the scent of sex and sweat clinging to her skin when EDI broke in, startling them both. "Commander, I'm sorry to disturb you, but Admiral Hackett is on the line - there is an urgent situation he needs to bring to your attention."

Kaidan muttered a dire swearword under his breath. This little slice of privacy he'd stolen for them was, by its very nature, of finite length, but he'd hoped, greedily, for more.

"I'll be in the comm room in ten, EDI," the commander said, the intangible burden of responsibility settling back on her shoulders; he could feel the tension in her body, like an electric current.

"Logging you out, Shepard," the AI said, and signed off.

Shepard sighed. "And here I was hoping for... dessert." Her eyes raked down his naked body.

"There's always tonight," he said as he clambered off her, not without a great deal of reluctance, and held out his hand.

She brightened at that. "Yes... there is," she said, in a tone of mild wonder. Taking his hand, she let him pull her to her feet.

Rising up on tiptoes, Kaidan brushed his lips against hers, quick and light, before he let go of her. Mindful of the admiral waiting for her, they dressed quickly, with none of the teasing words and sensual caresses they normally indulged in, though she smirked when she caught him watching her. He walked with her to the door, as if he were the host of a party, escorting a guest out of his home, and he suppressed a self-deprecating snort at the thought.

At the door, Shepard turned and bent to kiss him, soft lips teasing his own. He rose on his tiptoes, following her up, reluctant to end the contact. "See you 'round," she said, and paused. "I couldn't find any clothes that fit, but I did find a nice bottle of wine. It's not Canadian lager or whiskey, but... want to share it with me, later?"

He grinned. "You don't have to bribe me to come up to your cabin, but, yeah, I'd love to."

She smiled, then the doors closed, hiding her from his view. With a sigh, Kaidan turned back to his data pads, and wondered how the hell he was supposed to get any work done now.

END

* * *

Author's note: The Shepard I've written about here is a different one from my other stories.

This fill was written for a prompt on the Mass Effect Kink Meme, and therefore contained content that I had to sanitize in order to meet this site's rules. If you're interested in reading the cut content (and you're 18 and over), send me a private message.


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